Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Balanced Translocation Part 2

Yesterday I received a call from the nurse at my drs office regarding the results from the karyotype that was ordered a few weeks ago. She let me know that when the bloodwork got to the lab, they canceled the test because they said they already ran it in January of 2012. They weren't going to run it again because the results from a test like that wouldn't change and if they did the test again, we would be billed the full cost (which apparently is very expensive, although I don't know how much and probably don't want to know). And for whatever reason, the RE never received any results and I didn't even remember going for the test. You would think I would have remembered something like that, except I have been through so many tests and had so much bloodwork drawn, I can't keep things straight.

Results: neither of us is a carrier of balanced translocation. This is a good thing, right? So, why do I feel so lost, frusterated and hopeless? Because if neither of us is a carrier, then we still have no answers as to why these miscarriages are happening or if they will keep happening. Will I even be able to get pregnant again? Why does it take so long for me to get pregnant? Is it a coincidence that all of the miscarriages have happened between the months of Jan-April? Maybe there are no answers. Maybe I am just not meant to be a mother, at least not to a biological child.

I don't think I have ever felt a bigger betrayal then the betrayal I feel from my own body.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Tested for Balanced Translocation

I made a post on Facebook the other day about how we want quick and easy answers to the problems in our lives. We want someone to tell us that what we are doing is right or wrong, fixable or not fixable, etc. And by we, I meant me. I want someone (specifically a dr) to tell me why I am having such a hard time getting pregnant, and when I do finally get pregnant why I lose that pregnancy. But the problem is, with every answer, or non-answer, there are more questions.

So, with this 5th miscarriage I went to see my RE. For those who don't know, an RE is a Reproductive Endocrinologist; a specialist reserved for those of us who are super lucky in the deparment of fertility (said sarcastically). I had more questions like could there be a problem with my ovarian reserve (my eggs)? Could there be a problem with my ovulation? Well, the dr. looked thru his notes from our last visit in Jan of 2012 and mentioned to me that he wrote down we were supposed to go in for chromosone testing, but that he didn't have any results. Well, that was because we never went. I told him I didn't recall being told that or anyone ever following up with us. So, he said we should do that now. He told me that it sounds to him like either myself or my husband could be a carrier of something called balanced translocation. You can read about balanced translocation here:

And here is a simple diagram:

We have to wait 3-15 days for the results. I am not sure what I am hoping for. If one of us is a carrier of this, that will be an answer. That will explain so much. But while it will explain so much, it won't make things any easier because this is not something that is treatable. Its not something that gets better. There are one of 4 things that can happen if this is our issue:
1. We can stop pursuing any medical course of treatment and just try naturally and risk the recurrent miscarriages (risk of miscarriage is 50% or higher). Do we (I) really want to keep taking that risk?
2. We can use an egg donor or a sperm donor (completely out of the question for financial and personal reasons).
3. We can try IVF with something called Pre-Implantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD). A round of IVF with with test is around $20000, so that is obviously not going to happen. And even if it was a possibility for us, there is no guarantee that it would be successful.
4. We can just quit trying :(

Of course, it could come back that neither of us is a carrier. It only affects about 1 out of 625 people. So, if neither of us is a carrier, then we fall back into that mysterious 30% of people who just has unexplained infertility, yippee.

It seems like a crapshoot no matter what. What's my best case scenario, you ask? Well, I would like to just either wake up one day and not want to be a mother, that way I wouldn't be heart-broken and devastated EVERY. SINGLE. MONTH. But as that is unlikely, what I would really like is to forget about all of this; all of the tests, all of the "trying", all of the drs. (you know, there have been 5 of those now as well), and pursue the alternative of adoption. Adoption is another blog for another time, I guess.

The way I ended my Facebook post about questions and answers was that sometimes we just have to trust and have faith that things will work out the way they are supposed to, even if its not the way we planned. I have a hard time practicing my own advice.