Yesterday I received a call from the nurse at my drs office regarding the results from the karyotype that was ordered a few weeks ago. She let me know that when the bloodwork got to the lab, they canceled the test because they said they already ran it in January of 2012. They weren't going to run it again because the results from a test like that wouldn't change and if they did the test again, we would be billed the full cost (which apparently is very expensive, although I don't know how much and probably don't want to know). And for whatever reason, the RE never received any results and I didn't even remember going for the test. You would think I would have remembered something like that, except I have been through so many tests and had so much bloodwork drawn, I can't keep things straight.
Results: neither of us is a carrier of balanced translocation. This is a good thing, right? So, why do I feel so lost, frusterated and hopeless? Because if neither of us is a carrier, then we still have no answers as to why these miscarriages are happening or if they will keep happening. Will I even be able to get pregnant again? Why does it take so long for me to get pregnant? Is it a coincidence that all of the miscarriages have happened between the months of Jan-April? Maybe there are no answers. Maybe I am just not meant to be a mother, at least not to a biological child.
I don't think I have ever felt a bigger betrayal then the betrayal I feel from my own body.