Tuesday, July 21, 2015

I've been avoiding this blog...

A funny thing happened on the way to infertility...we finally became parents. Well, not really on the way to infertility, more like after infertility. Anyway, infertility did lead us to parenthood, talk about ironic. So it's true, my struggle became my strength, I'm grateful for the valleys I had to go through that led me to the mountain top, everything happened the way it was supposed to in its own time, I wouldn't change the way things happened (but some things I would), and all of those other cliche things that people seem to say when they have finally achieved what they have always wanted after working hard and never giving up (except there were many times I did give up, or at least wanted to).

So, I have been avoiding this blog. True, I am very busy with work, an 8 month old, personal life, goals like losing weight. But mostly, I've been avoiding. I had writer's block for a while. But mainly it's that I don't know what to say anymore. Do I talk about motherhood after infertility? Do I talk about the adoption process? Do I talk about how I still struggle with infertility? I don't know. I never envisioned myself writing about anything in this blog except infertility and miscarriage, so I find myself in uncharted territory. To write about motherhood in a blog that was started to educate and inform people about infertility, share my struggles, help myself heal, and hopefully help other women, doesn't somehow seem appropriate. Or, maybe it seems like some kind of a betrayal. I don't know if I am ready to write about adoption, or the adoption process or becoming a mom through adoption because it all still seems so personal, private, and surreal. And I am kind of scared to reveal too much about our daughter and her story (because it really is just as much her story as ours). I want to be respectful to all involved. To write about how there are still times I struggle with infertility and loss seems like it would take away from how happy and grateful I am to finally be a mom, even though those two things are separate.

I love blogging and I am at a crossroads here. What do I do to keep my blog active while honoring what started it, as well as where I am at in my journey now? To be determined, I guess.

1 comment:

  1. It's what I chose to do, write about my life after adopting and I've been doing it for 6 years now. The infertility trauma doesn't really go away after adopting, it just kind of lurks in the background because you are so darn busy now. Loving and raising a child does heal your heart anyway. My life shifted and now my struggles and joys are just different.

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